So it's been a month already, and I think I have made considerable progress. I don't think I would have made it this far without this blog. Over time it has built up to be an extremely good source of motivation. Like today, when there was a massive spread laid on at my workplace's morning tea. Lots of chocolate, cakes etc. It's an office tradition to do that once a month to celebrate the birthdays of the staffers that month. Even though I did celebrate my birthday this month, I'm proud to say I resisted. I just sat there with my cup of tea in hand and thought of all the effort I've put in this month and how I don't want to jeopardise that.
I hope February brings with it more success and I still have the determination to see this thing through. I think it's time I changed my shirt too.
Oh, and here are this week's profile shots in a larger format.
I took some more semi-nude body shots this evening. Now that I have 4 weeks of them, I've taken to clicking through the images and see my belly gradually decrease in size. The feeling that you are actually making progress is a wonderful motivator in itself. Long may it continue.
On the left you see me on 5 January, the one on the right was taken an hour ago. I think the lighting obscures my double-chin, but my face looks a bit thinner, I think.
After trying several sparkling waters: the afore mentioned Pellegrino and Perrier (both made by Nestle), and a local brand, NZ Natural (from Frucor, the makers of V energy drink and Just Juice), I have to say it is quite a refreshing and surprisingly filling beverage. Certainly a good substitute for diet lemonade. Of the three, I think I prefer Perrier the most. The bubbles seem smaller yet more numerous. But it's too expensive for everyday consumption. I've pretty much given up on alcohol for now, so perhaps I'll chose that one rather than a beer in the circumstances that I'd ordinarily imbibe some booze.
At other times I think I'll stick with whatever is cheaper.
Start weight: 178.8 kg (394.2 lbs) Last week's weight: 171.4 kg (377.9 lbs) Current weight: 170.4 kg (375.7 lbs) Loss this week: 1 kg (2.2 lbs) Overall loss: 8.4 kg (18.5 lbs) Start BMI: 56.4 Last week's BMI: 54.1 Current BMI: 53.8 It's great to be down another kilogram this week. I've got to say, I thought last week's weigh-in may have been a bit of a fluke or a faulty reading - maybe I was a little dehydrated or something last Sunday morning. I always weigh myself first thing in the morning, after I've gone to the toilet. But the drop is at least consistent, even if the loss rate isn't.
A gorgeous day today. One of the many things about being as overweight as I is the fact that you can't enjoy the summer as much as other people. I mean, obviously for years I haven't dreamed of showing my torso in public - or in private for that matter, so the beach continues to be off limits for me in terms of recreation. I used to really enjoy swimming when I was a kid. I look forward to being able to do that again at the end of my weight loss journey. It's going to be incredibly liberating being able to do what normal people can take for granted.
I came out as a dieter today on Facebook, posting a comparison of my side on profile shots between when I started and now. I received overwhelming support, I don't think I've posted anything that has generated more thumbs up and comments, all of them positive. I think I'll post shots once a month there. It's a definite boost to the ego knowing you've got all these people rooting for you.
This evening's trip to the supermarket was a struggle. The inexpensive displays of biscuits were out to tempt me, but I stayed strong. I kept my head and resisted temptation. After yesterday's experiment with Pellegrino, I thought I'd buy some Perrier water. It's chilling in the fridge at the moment. And then I discover both brands are owned by Nestle. I am a consumer whore.
I took more profile shots today - again these are just me in my underpants and again, I'm shy about putting them up. So I'll keep them to myself. I'm still noticing positive changes, though. Clothed ones will be up tomorrow.
As discussed yesterday, I had a late shift, finishing work at 9.00 this evening. As planned, a banana at 5.30 tided me over.
On a whim I bought some Pelligrino water today, which was nice enough. I don't think I'll make a habit of it, though. Also, how cool is it that I've made it to three weeks? It really doesn't feel as hard as I thought it might.
I'm lying here on my bed, iPad in hand marvelling at how full and satisfied a meal consisting of a high proportion of vegetables can make you. I am (healthily) stuffed.
Tomorrow is going to be interesting. I'm working an afternoon and an evening shift. Dinner won't be until after 9.00. I have a break at 5-6, so I figure I'll eat a banana and a kiwi fruit then and then forego the fruit I normally have for dessert with my dinner.
It was such a pleasure to see this number on my scales this morning. I mean, I've got so far to go, but I've already made some quick progress down this path. Start weight: 178.8 kg (394.2 lbs) Last week's weight: 173.9 kg (383.4 lbs) Current weight: 171.4 kg (377.9 lbs) Loss this week: 2.5 kg (5.5 lbs) Overall loss: 7.4 kg (16.3 lbs) Start BMI: 56.4 Last week's BMI: 54.9 Current BMI: 54.1
So poundwise, I blasted through the 380s and find myself now in the 370s. Using different measuring systems is good like that. You find yourself in the next block of 10 pounds, or 5 kg is down, you go down a digit in BMI. You can even think in terms of percentages. You'll notice I haven't been setting targets, because I can't accurately predict what my efforts will do for the pace of my loss. If I hit an overall loss of 9 kg next week, that will be 5% of my starting weight gone, which is a nice little chunk.
Anthony Robbins is a great motivational speaker and in this video he talks about the mindset required to achieve progress in your goals. He stresses the importance of creating a compelling vision of what you want to achieve, the role of daily review and why standards should be raised. Through this blog I am already engaging in daily review of my weight loss journey. It allows me to reflect on my eating during the day and think about the choices I make and it keeps me accountable to myself. I find that even after less than three weeks of entries, I can look back over it and marvel at my progress, resisting the urges I have to falter. It spurs me on.
He also gives you some homework, which I shall do now.
Step 1: Select an area of your life you would like to improve and describe what that area is like for you currently. Be specific.
I am morbidly obese, weighing over 170 kilograms. I'm 34 years old and I am genuinely fearful for my health. Such a level of obesity is socially isolating. I'm not outgoing, even though I want to be. I don't feel attractive to women and so I am very shy about trying to start any kind of romantic relationship. I don't feel good about my body and I am limited in the things I want to do. I can't shop for clothes in normal shops, I have to order them online. Travel anywhere - be it by plane or by bus is a major logistical nightmare and a cause for embarrassment. I feel flawed. Step 2: Write down the rituals that have shaped your current conditions in this area. Be honest.
I accepted my obesity very early in my life. I remember being taken to a dietician when I was in primary school. I remember my mother telling me what I must and mustn't eat and yet she baked fattening biscuits and cakes. Vegetables, while they did reach the dinner table, were unappealing. The smell repulsed me, the texture disgusted me and I avoided eating better food, then sating my hunger with toast or biscuits or whatever was bad. Somewhere along the line it was no longer about hunger, it was about habit and the endorphins that were released when I binged. I remember schoolkids taunting me about my weight. I remember the nickname "Sumo" in high school and I accepted being fat was my thing. When I finished high school I must have weighed over 125 kg, I have no idea exactly - the household scales didn't go that high. I continued to find comfort and convenience in junk food.
So to sum up: I accepted myself as a fat person and used unhealthy food as an emotional crutch.
Step 3: Write down what you want. What's your compelling vision? Be specific.
I want to feel attractive. I want to fall in love and start a family. I want to live a long and healthy life. I want to travel and see the world. I want to use my body to live a fulfilling life. I want to be noticed for my inherent qualities, not the adipose tissue I carry. Step 4: Write down the rituals that will get you your compelling vision. What would you need to do differently each day to get what you want?
Be mindful when it comes to food. Ask myself - do I want to eat this for energy, or do I want to eat this because it feels good?
Plan my meals, eat like an eighty kilogram man, not a 170 kg one.
Reflect on how I've done every day. Maintain this blog, even if entries are very brief. Keep this goal at the forefront of my mind.
Consider exercise if I plateau. Weight loss as a whole is a marathon, not a sprint.
Today I celebrated my 34th birthday. Actually it was more a non-celebration. I took the day off work, but still went in because my supervisor left today for another job and there was a farewell for her. I also went around to her place this evening with my colleagues for a smaller get together.
There was also an afternoon tea at my parents' place. So the opportunities for eating poorly and the potential for self justification were high. I can report that aside from my normal daily meal, I had one glass of wine, two small hors d'oeuvre and a cracker with some cheese on it. Quite a feat given the abundance of cakes, sweet things, creamy things and chocolatey things on offer today. Maybe a B+ day rather than a solid A, but I feel I passed the test I set for myself today.
On Wednesdays, just for myself (because I'm still too modest), I take profile shots of myself just in my underpants. I look over my frame with a critical eye switching between one week's shot and another on my monitor.
It's barely perceptible, but I do believe I'm starting to see some physical changes. My fat rolls are slightly less voluminous, my man boobs are slightly smaller. As time progresses, hopefully the difference will become more obvious, but I'll claim it as a sign of progress for now.
Over the past couple of days I've been talking to myself - mainly when I'm driving in my car. I congratulate myself on the progress I've made and encourage myself to keep going. I'd play-out, Gollum-like, the future conversations I'd have with people who haven't seen me in a while. I imagine posting updates of major milestones (10 kg lost, 20 kg lost etc) on Facebook and the kind of positive reaction I'd get from that. And - especially after a trip to the supermarket - I'd pat myself on the back for avoiding tempting morsels like Cadbury creme eggs.
I'm not one of those people who believe in the "law of attraction" or "the secret" or whatever. You don't reach your goals just by wanting to reach them, but that kind of desire is part of why you carry on. I believe I will have a more enjoyable and fulfilling life ifwhen I lose this weight and that keeps me going.
I thought I was down a notch on my belt. I have already gone from notch #2 to #3 and now I can stretch to #4, but it's still quite uncomfortable and leaves red marks like that self torture device of the monk in the Da Vinci Code, so probably best not to overdo it for the moment.
I'm still keeping to my diet. I have added an afternoon fruit as a snack, but that wards off a lot of hunger. I still go to bed quite late and it doesn't feel like I'm hungry when I go to bed now, which is quite pleasing.
So this week I have made further progress. Not nearly as rapidly as the progress of week 1, but a 1.3 kg loss is nothing to be sniffed at. Here are my stats: Start weight: 178.8 kg (394.2 lbs) Last week's weight: 175.2 kg (386.2 lbs) Current weight: 173.9 kg (383.4 lbs) Loss this week: 1.3 kg (2.8 lbs) Overall loss: 4.9 kg (10.8 lbs) Start BMI: 56.4 Last week's BMI: 55.3 Current BMI: 54.9 So I have reached the 10 lbs milestone, which is pleasing. I'm a little disappointed I didn't hit 5 kg, but I'll do that next week. I went to my sister and brother in law's for dinner this evening. I must report I had some dessert. 1/8 of a cheesecake - which would have weighed 60 grams, and a small scoop of hokey-pokey ice cream. I forgot to take my Xenical too. They were small portions, though. Back on the wagon now.
What you need to understand about this blog is that it's primarily for me. I leaving it publicly accessible because if I'm successful in my journey, it may help out some other person like me. Anyway, nothing of note happened today. I did go to the supermarket, and I bought what I intended to buy. Nothing else to report.
Tempting times at work today. A colleague had baked a very rich chocolate cake. It smelled wonderful, but I stayed strong. A small mental victory, but one to note nonetheless.
I wasn't expecting a big difference from last week. I think my stomach is a little less rotund in the side-on view. It doesn't stick out quite so far below my moobs. I bought some more Xenical today. My current batch runs out on Sunday and I wanted no excuses. The current lot, I had initially bought in May, but I wavered soon after. Not this time.
I always find it very helpful to come across the stories of people who have walked the path I have just started on. Judging by what this gentleman says, I'm quite happy with my approach.
Today was my first Sunday weigh-in and I'm very pleased with my progress for the week.
Start weight: 178.8 kg (394.2 lbs)
Last week's weight: 178.8 kg (394.2 lbs)
Current weight: 175.2 kg (386.2 lbs)
Loss this week: 3.6 kg (8 lbs)
Overall loss: 3.6 kg (8 lbs)
Start BMI: 56.4
Last week's BMI: 56.4
Current BMI: 55.3
It's been a really encouraging week. I've stuck to my eating plan and while on occasion I have felt hungry, it's never to the point that I've felt woozy or dizzy. In fact, the hunger appears roughly the time mealtimes are approaching, so I think that's a pretty good indicator that I'm on the right track. I think it would be foolish to expect this pace of loss to keep up on diet alone, and I've promised myself that I will start an exercise regimen once my rate of loss drops below 1.5 kg per week. But for now I am pleased with the path I'm on.
It was an incredibly warm day today, hitting 33 degrees celsius in my corner of the world. I stuck with diet lemonade for cooling down. I did go grocery shopping today, a risky proposal for slimmers. I put together a list and stuck to it, getting only good wholesome foods. It's day 6 already and I'm starting to get used to this. They say it takes 3 weeks to build a habit. We shall see.
I just came across this story of the world's fattest man shedding 45 stone. That's 630 pounds. He did have gastric bypass surgery to help him on the way, but he's doing something remarkable and he's quite inspiring.
It's my weekly weigh-in tomorrow. I have peeked at the scales a couple of times and the trend looks very promising.
I expect this blog is going to get pretty boring as it really just serves as a daily affirmation that yes, I am continuing to eat healthy options, no I am not being tempted. I'm getting a lot of inspiration online from people who have walked this path before. Shauna Reid's Dietgirl is particularly good and I've ordered her book.
Aside from my weekly Sunday weigh-in, I've decided to do a weekly photo on Thursdays, because sometimes progress can be more visual than numerical, and it gives me the opportunity to see myself as others see me.
I have quite some way to go.
It was good returning to work today. Normally I find myself flagging in the afternoon, but my energy levels were good.
It's starting to get a little bit easier. It's a rainy day today and I'm stuck inside the house, so my mind was focused on eating sensibly all day. I think it's working. Tomorrow I start back at work after the Christmas-New Year break. I've been good and packed a healthy and nutritious lunch. I've even prepped my breakfast for tomorrow, weighing out the portion size on the cereal box and putting it in an airtight container. I'm getting optimistic.
I had a quiet night in on New Year's Eve, you can tell by the time stamp on my first post. I'm not eliminating alcohol from my life, but it's so many empty calories that I'll practically be a teetotaller this year. My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, I'll allow myself a drink then. Maybe even two.
I'm pleased to report that my discipline has yet to waver on this, the first day of the year. Lunch was the same as yesterday. I'm quite content to follow routine. I was invited to my parents' for dinner and although both retired, the still have it quite early. It was oven baked chips, chicken and coleslaw. I was careful with the portion sizes. I have just had my supper of two rice cakes with light cottage cheese, which were satisfactory.
Today I listened to a very interesting episode of BBC Radio 4's Food Programme. This one, called The Calorie, considered whether the calorie is an outdated way of monitoring our diet. The general consensus was that it is and people really should focus on the kinds of foods they eat. If they are highly processed, the body doesn't really know what to with what it consumes. Particularly when it comes to trans-fats. It's worth a listen. I'm not counting calories that closely myself. If I fail to see results I will revisit that. What I am doing is cutting out the rubbish and using portion control.
